Luxury without arrogance: Win with empathy, not ego

On the latest episode of my podcast, The Future of Luxury, recorded inside a $45 million Brentwood estate in Los Angeles, Shelton Wilder, a powerhouse real estate agent with Christie’s International Real Estate, and Julie Faupel, founder and CEO of Realm, discussed what truly makes a luxury experience memorable. During our talk, we moved past the marble finishes, curated art, and list of extraordinary amenities. The conversation returned, again and again, to something more human: how a client feels in your presence. Luxury is never just the object In my work with luxury brands worldwide, I’ve noticed a common mistake: many still believe that the object — the product or the service itself — is enough to create desire. A flawless diamond, a rare sports car, or a sprawling million-dollar estate should, in their view, speak for itself. But luxury is never just about the object. It’s about the emotional state you create in the person experiencing it. Shelton put it simply: arrogance does not work. She comes from a background in high fashion retail, where some of her clients spend over a million dollars a year. She learned early that the most valuable customers were not always dressed for the part. The woman in yoga clothes could easily be the one making the largest purchase. Judging by appearances is not only wrong but also costly. That lesson carries over to luxury real estate. In a world where an agent’s job is to sell homes priced in the tens of millions, it would be easy to hide behind a polished image and rigid formality. Shelton does the opposite. She greets every guest warmly. She bakes cookies for her open houses. She pays attention to details that make people feel welcome. Her Labubu is a conversation starter. This is more than charm; it’s strategy. When a client feels seen, heard, and valued, they are far more likely to trust you with their purchase. And trust, not square footage or brand name, is what drives decisions at the top of the market. Luxury done right is extreme value creation In my luxury masterclasses, I often run an exercise that asks participants to reflect deeply on the quality of experiences they’ve had in recent weeks or months. One thing always emerges: the best experiences involve feeling seen, understood, and, importantly, valued as a human. This is the essence of extreme value creation. Luxury done right is always connected with an amazing human experience. When people feel valued in an extreme way, it is extreme value creation at its best. It is also where I see the biggest gap for many companies and so-called luxury experiences, which are often “luxury in ambition only.” Even with very experienced sales managers, this is the number one shortcoming I observe in my luxury sales trainings. Too much attention is paid to the object or the setting, and too little to the human experience that gives it meaning. The Brentwood estate where we recorded was a perfect example. It had been staged with over half a million dollars in art. Every element, from the pool to the pickleball court, had been curated to offer moments of delight. But the real magic came from how Shelton tailored the tour to each visitor. For pickleball enthusiasts, the court became the focal point. For art lovers, the gallery-like spaces took center stage. The property itself was a stage, but the performance was in how she made each guest feel that it was their stage. Luxury is about belonging Julie added that this human connection is also about community. Luxury clients are not just buying a product or a property. They are buying entry into a circle. This could be a neighborhood, a network, or a shared lifestyle. Making them feel like they belong is just as important as closing the deal. The danger for luxury brands and managers lies in underestimating the emotional side of their work. You can invest in the finest materials, the most advanced features, and the most beautiful space, but if human interaction leaves a client feeling cold, none of it will matter. Luxury hospitality is a great example, with so many properties that are visually stunning but disappointing on the human factor. Let me be crystal clear: warmth is not the opposite of professionalism. It’s a form of professionalism. It signals confidence, empathy, and attentiveness. It turns a transaction into a relationship. And its opposite, arrogance, will never feel luxurious to anyone. This leads me to a call to action for luxury managers, something I include in every experience audit: review every stage of your client experience for opportunities to deliver extreme value. Ensure that every interaction leaves clients feeling seen, understood, and valued. This is where trust is built, loyalty is earned, and long-term success in luxury is secured. This is an opinion piece by Daniel Langer, CEO of Équité, recognized as one of the “Global Top Five Luxury Key Opinion Leaders,” and advisor to some of the most iconic luxury brands in the world. He serves as an executive professor of luxury strategy and pricing at Pepperdine University in Malibu and as a professor of luxury at NYU, New York. Daniel has authored best-selling books on luxury management in English and Chinese, and is a respected global keynote speaker. Daniel conducts in-person masterclasses on various luxury topics across the world. As a luxury expert featured on Bloomberg TV, Forbes, The Economist, and others, Daniel holds an MBA and a Ph.D. in luxury management and has received education from Harvard Business School. Sign up for his online luxury masterclasses at the Jing Academy.

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Luxury without arrogance: Win with empathy, not ego